My blog has worms

UPDATE: Bloggin' at teh Wordpress...

2008-02-19T20:35:00.000-08:00

I have a new blog over at mybloghasworms.wordpress.com. Great tools, and NOT blocked by my school's proxy.

Come see me sometime.

-- JC

All good things...

2007-02-13T12:38:00.000-08:00

Well folks, this is goodbye. I've decided that real life (career, marriage, etc.) need to fill the countless hours that I usually while (piss) away in cyberspace.

I hope you all have good lives, and if you're ever in West Texas, drop me a comment to this post, and my email will get it. I'd love to buy you a cup of coffee, and many dangerous donuts.

Hasta Winnebago,

-- johnseeking

teh sequel...

2007-01-16T13:45:00.000-08:00

Ahhh... Just when my faith in the future of humanity had almost completely slipped away... we get... LASER CATS 2.

*EDIT: Apparently, the plug has been pulled. Darn shame, too.

You will be sorely missed...

2006-12-20T07:02:00.000-08:00

It seems there's been a death in the family... Read THIS.

So, if I'm still playing with mine, would that be considered necrophilia?

On some sad level, I know how they feel...

2006-12-08T14:29:00.000-08:00

You really need to stop doing what you're doing right now and go HERE. Occasionally off color, but always hilarious.

NinjaDay2006

2006-12-05T09:09:00.000-08:00

Welcome, honorable readers.

I could tell you to celebrate this day honorably or else I will kill you, but instead I will simply suggest you read this. And this. And, of course, this.

Or I will kill you. Or myself. Or small puppies.

With a big freakin' sword. Katana. Whatever.

Ever feel like shooting someone in the head?

2006-11-23T20:23:00.000-08:00

If so, give this a try. I played all the way through it, and felt not one iota of guilt. I'm not sure if that's because I have no soul, or because my targets were all stick-men. Either way, it's fun.

I know what THIS family is thankful for...

2006-11-23T19:39:00.000-08:00

First, read this.

Then, take a minute to give thanks. Give thanks that you live in a time in history when miracles like this can take place. Give thanks that the heart of what makes us human is intact enough that our jaws drop, our eyes well up with moisture, and our thoughts turn to oh my God, or at the very least, wow, when we read about things like this.

Thank you, God, for the miracles of life, courage, and imagination. Thank you for little Naseem...

Happy Thanksgiving. Again.

It's life, Jim, but...

2006-11-22T23:08:00.000-08:00

Surprises keep trickling in from the informational wellspring known as the Human Genome Project. Today we find out that you and I aren't as close as we thought we were. It turns out that we differ not only in the sequence of A's, T's, C's and G's, but also in how many REPEATS of certain genes we have.

In related news, we also aren't as close to the chimps as we once thought we were. This is extremely timely news, seeing as how many of us are locked in Darwinian struggles with our relatives this very day... Happy Thanksgiving!!

Share a banana with the ones you love.

Idiots! Gosh...

2006-11-17T07:54:00.000-08:00

My brother-in-law was planning to be at a Hastings at midnight last night. They were raffling off the chance to buy a PlayStation 3.

He doesn't actually want to play a PS3... he wants to sell it on eBay, for about 4 times the retail cost ($600 times 4 = $2400).

I still have mixed feelings about gouging idiots with too much money, especially with video games, which are a bit of a sacred cow to me. This feels a little like running a prostitution ring... at a mental hospital.

Anyway, I thought I would check the expected glut of PS3s on eBay this morning, so I surfed over... and found THIS.

Ho-lee freee-kun cuh-RAP.

The actual sale price dropped dramatically as bids were retracted during the last minutes of the sale. I have a feeling that this idiot will be re-listing his cash cow, as the likelihood of someone ponying up 89 mil seems... well, less than likely.

Gosh, you morons. Get a Wii.

EDIT: Looks like the link to the auction was removed... biiiiiig surprise.

They're gone...

2006-11-16T22:07:00.000-08:00

...and I miss them already. Technically they don't get on the plane until tomorrow morning, but I just got back a few hours ago from driving them to my parents' house (about an hour north of here, and much closer to the airport), and already I feel like poop.

I swear, I would completely fall apart if anything ever happened to them.

Geez, it's midnight. Gotta' go learn' the young-unz' in a few hours. Maybe sleep will help.

007, I'll see you at 4 PM sharp.

Mere Christianity...

2006-11-15T10:21:00.000-08:00

THIS really pisses me off, for a whole host of reasons. First, I'm sad for the kid, Micheal Gromek, for having a potentially great experience in America tainted by having to live with these people. Second, I'm livid that once again the media has a perfect set of poster-children to point to when they talk about "those right-wing, fundamentalist, bible-thumpin' kooks."

In case you've bought into the hype (and really, given examples like the fruitcakes in the article, who would blame you?), let me assure you that the vast majority of fundamentalist, evangelical Christians aren't like this. We're normal people, leading normal, sane lives.

Why don't you believe me? Oh, I know why... and no, it's not some big media conspiracy (I don't think, anyway...). The fact is that legalistic fruitcakes tend to stick out like sore thumbs (sore from all that bible-thumping?), and most of the rest of us... well... don't. We're the ones who live fulfilling, joyful lives, even in the midst of the constant chaos around us--because we know that no matter what life throws at us, there's something better waiting after this life is over. Something much more important. More real. And rather than push your nose into "what a lousy, stinking, sinner you are, glor-ah , howl-uh-lew-yuh!", we'd much rather wait until you notice and ask about the blessings in our lives before we share our faith with you.

No real Christian would be caught dead claiming to live a perfect life. We screw up. A LOT.

For every "Pat Robertson" out there, I guarantee that there are a few hundred-thousand low-profile evangelicals groaning and scratching their heads at what the guy just said on national television. Or radio. Or to the unsuspecting 19-year-old Polish exchange student, who will probably, for the rest of his life, see every self-professed Christian as a legalistic, cold-hearted, weird S.O.B..

So before you write us ALL off as kooks, I invite you to see past the loud-mouth demagogues, and take a closer look at the quiet ones. We're all around you. We're real.

The dreams in which I'm dying are the best I've ever had...

2006-11-14T12:30:00.000-08:00

Most depressing, beautiful song ever.

I just heard this recently (on a video game commercial, of all things), and it makes me really want to play the game, but I feel like I might need to hug a puppy or something after I do so---pretty sad stuff.

Batchin' it...

2006-11-10T13:18:00.000-08:00

The wife and the monkeys will be flying off to spend time with her fam in about a week. So I'm looking at about five days when I will have the house to myself. I've already scheduled some deep, dirty honey-do projects (the kind which are best performed when there are no little fingers or feet to get squished--or little ears to hear the dirty words produced), but I think I will still have lots of goofing-off time left over. I'm thinking of doing some or all of the following:

Watching all six Star Wars films back-to-back (to back, to back, to back...etc.) at full volume on the old home theater.
Leaving the house to catch a flick by myself (thinking about Casino Royale).
Trying to make some serious headway on MP2, Geist, Z:OOT, and other similar "scary" adult Gamecube games I rarely get to play. (Noticing a trend here?)
Trying to see how long I can exist on nothing more than coffee--to get me in shape for piles and piles of turkey.
Curing polio.
Running for public office (no actual running involved, I checked it out).
Seeing how long I can go without changing clothes before someone notices and makes a comment.
Strip solitaire. Or strip minesweeper.

I am deeply open to suggestions on more original (or just less pathetic) ideas. Talk to me people.

Might as well...

2006-11-10T13:00:00.000-08:00

Haven't updated much lately, mostly because I've been too busy reading lots of good stuff that the rest of YOU are writing. I'm officially adding the "Teh Internets" sidebar, to try to tie all of you monkeys together. Enjoy.

I believe...

2006-10-25T10:39:00.000-07:00

Blacklisted, but not BALEETED...

2006-10-24T07:22:00.000-07:00

Tragedy is upon me, dear readers...

Our school (my workplace) is trying out a new, internal content filter to replace(?) the proxy we currently use. Not sure exactly why, but that's beside the point.

What's troubling to me is that every blog on blogspot has been blocked. Including mine. If you're reading this, probably including yours too.

Now, I understand the concerns that we as a district have with so called "social networking sites". (I myself have written about why I don't like them, for different reasons.) It is all too easy for predatory users to find personal information on junior-high and high-school-aged kids and exploit them. I understand and agree with the blocking (from school campus computers) sites like myspace, xanga, and their ilk. If kids want to piss away their time giving virtual shout-outs and back-pats to all their homies, they can do it at home. They should reserve school time for school work, in my opinion.

The difference is that blogspot is primarily for web logging, not for social schmoozing. It's what interactive internet should be more about--the free and easy interchange of ideas.

Hopefully as the technology (and the user base) gain more knowledge of the situation, the restrictions will relax. Until then, it's sort of touch-and-go for me, both in my writing and my reading of all your stuff.

So if this is the last hurrah for My Blog Has Worms, know that it has been a pleasure sharing with you my life and ideas, and I am grateful that you have also shared them with me...

Feeling (Jong)-il? Could be all that atmospheric radiation...

2006-10-17T12:15:00.000-07:00

Heard much from the potbellied, dog-eating little dictator lately? Looks like he's pissed about something.

China, whose support for the measures is key to whether they will have any effect on neighboring North Korea, has begun examining trucks at the North Korean border to comply with new U.N. sanctions endorsed over the weekend.

Gee, that's big of them.

Holy freaking crap...

2006-10-17T10:35:00.000-07:00

Okay, feel free to file this one under what the h$%#...

Can someone possibly give me one rational argument on why something like this is or could potentially be medically necessary? Can't we just leave the whole "anything that girls can do, boys can do better" argument out of the picture in this one instance?

I'm grasping for the feeling that is in my gut as I type these words, and the best I can describe it is scared spitless. Because honestly, what won't they do next??

Attention NYC Police: it CAN get worse...

2006-10-12T11:50:00.000-07:00

Huh?

Shouldn't he be in Canada, or something?

Allahu Akbar! (You want fries with that?)

2006-10-12T10:15:00.000-07:00

Gee, America is the "Great Satan," so let's go out and buy crappy knockoffs of American products to show our disdain for those Christian, imperialist dogs!

Go ahead and pinch yourself... it's no joke.

It goes to show what I've always maintained. America is so despised in the rest of the world NOT because of anything we do, but because of who we are---and everybody else wishes they could be us.

Hmmm... that would probably sound pompous and/or bigoted, if it weren't the truth. Ouch.

"D'oh," say Democratic Party Leaders

2006-10-09T08:05:00.000-07:00

Well well well... It seems that conservative evangelical Christians aren't as dumb as the libs like to think they are.

Some October surprise... geez, can't they come up with something better? Like a sex scandal that actually involves sex? Preferably between a man and a woman? (Nods to El Rushbo.)

Paging Mark Foley...

2006-10-03T15:44:00.000-07:00

Ahem...

Double standard, anyone?

Demons...

2006-10-03T10:17:00.000-07:00

How do I know that a spiritual battle is being fought in the world around us?

I read about things like this.

"The man that did this today was not the Charlie I've been married to for almost 10 years. He was loving, supportive, thoughtful, all the things you would want and more.
"He was an excellent father. He took our kids to soccer practice and games, played ball in the backyard and took our seven-year-old daughter shopping."

Demonic activity, folks. Satan doesn't play fair. Don't be surprised when it happens again. And again. And again.

What [a] load...

2006-10-02T06:52:00.000-07:00

Ah, good old NASA. Just when I wonder if you've outlived your usefulness, I read this. It sure is nice to know that our tax dollars are going to something worthwhile...

Frosted...

2006-09-29T14:05:00.000-07:00

Kids, don't listen to your teachers... go ahead and write in those textbooks.

Maybe you'll be famous some day, too.

Max Brenner, I think I love you...

2006-09-29T14:02:00.000-07:00

Muslims have Mecca to pilgrimmage to sometime in their lives.

I have this.

Dang, I think I just gained three pounds reading that.

Once bitten, twice shy?

2006-09-29T13:57:00.000-07:00

Wow... where have I been the last three years?

BostonHerald.com - Local & Regional: Great White looks back but moves forward 3 years after club fire

I saw a Law & Order episode from season 14 that was somewhat about this, I guess. I'm not sure if knowing that it had its roots in reality makes it more or less enjoyable for me.

Just after the fire, bassist Dave Filice and drummer Eric Powers left the group. Kendall, 49, stopped performing, turned to Christianity, went through intensive therapy and surrounded himself with his wife Bridget, three sons and one stepdaughter.

Interesting... going to go surf over and find out more about Kendall's conversion...

Okay, I'm back. Check these out:

Two-year-old miracle...

2006-09-27T12:12:00.000-07:00

Occasionally, something in the news makes me, if only for a moment, optimistic about the human race.

Like this.

You GO, girl.

"I am tired of these mutha* snakes in this mutha* house!"

2006-09-27T11:20:00.000-07:00

You think you have real estate problems?

Check this out.

I will never gripe about my house again.

Global warming discussion "heats up"

2006-09-26T07:40:00.000-07:00

I think this should be required reading for anyone who calls themselves "free thinkers" when it comes to the global warming debate:

U.S. Senate Committee on Environment and Public Works

"Symbolism does not solve a climate crisis"

"I want to beeeeee in thaaaat numberrrrrrr..."

2006-09-25T20:48:00.000-07:00

Behold, the triumph of the American Spirit...

All is back to normal in the Big Easy.

The Saints can start losing games at home again. All is right with the world.

Justice

2006-09-23T09:58:00.000-07:00

Now THIS is what I like to see. Not vigilanteism per se, just a good old @$$-whuppin' on some creep who needed it.

Bravo, Mrs. Williams and company.

Babies die so rats can see

2006-09-21T12:58:00.000-07:00

Advanced Cell Technology Inc. has found that embryonic stem cells, when injected into the eyeballs of rats with eye problems, grew into layers of retinal cells about five to seven cells thick. The rats were able to see about twice as well as untreated rats from the same breeding line.

This technique could be adapted for use in human patients with similar degenerative vision problems.

Full details are here.

The problem is that despite their prior claims of non-destructive stem cell harvesting, the embryos from whom the lines of cells used in the experiment were derived were still freakin' destroyed. We have to draw the line in the sand when it comes to ANY research or treatments that are built upon the sacrifice of innocent, unwilling human lives.

I don't care how it gets sugar-coated: murder is still murder.

Mistakes...

2006-09-21T12:38:00.001-07:00

George Santayana once said that "Those who cannot learn from history are doomed to repeat it."

That probably explains why I keep choosing to eat Allsups hot links every few months...

Oi vey...

Is it hot in here, or is it just me?

2006-09-20T10:58:00.000-07:00

Oh good... it's NOT just me.

ReporterHerald- Colorado State professor disputes global warming is human-caused

Talk about a bad case of "the munchies"...

2006-09-20T08:18:00.000-07:00

My Way News - Panda Bites Man, Man Bites Him Back

I don't think much else can be said here. So I won't.

Looks like SOMEBODY'S sleeping on the couch tonight...

2006-09-14T14:48:00.000-07:00

A new study concludes that due to our larger brain sizes, men are smarter than women by at least 3 to 4 IQ points.

Thank goodness testosterone kills brain cells. Otherwise we would take over the world.

What? Don't believe me? Then explain the continuing allure of ESPN whydontcha?

Fast Learners...

2006-09-14T14:41:00.000-07:00

Islamofascists are taking a lesson from the American liberal Democrat playbook: misrepresent any quote directed at you (especially if it hits too close to the mark) as hate speech, and demonize the speaker to the press. Bad Pope. Baaaaad Pope!

(9/18/06) EDIT: Why NO, we're not overreacting!

Ann Richards, R.I.P.

2006-09-14T14:32:00.000-07:00

I just read over at the New York Times about the passing of former Governor of Texas, Ann Richards.

Thanks to her efforts, the poorest residents of our great state have a reason to go on living, and the political landscape of the entire country will never be quite the same.

Sympathies go out to her children and their families.

I freakin' hate MySpace...

2006-09-11T21:29:00.000-07:00

Not that anybody actually reads this blog, but many apologies go out to all my non-readers for the lack of frequency of posts. Busy month.

Most of my energies, when it comes to web-expression, seem to go here as of late...

Anyway, first a bit of news (not really that new though... "olds"?): I tracked down a friend of mine from college. Okay, beyond friend. I love the guy like a brother (you know, one of those brothers that you somehow don't talk to for three or four years until you google their last name fortheheckuvit), he was in my wedding (I'm still seeing my wife on a daily basis, if you're starting to worry), and the last I heard from him, he had finished video game design school, and was working on a Mary-Kate and Ashley Olsen game.

He's been busy.

I had watched this game closely during development for about a year before its release. It sounded like such a cool idea--being able to jump in and out of inanimate objects as well as living hosts to solve puzzles, chew bubble gum, and kick tuckus--and I hoped I would get the chance to play it some day (being defined as the day after it hit the bargain rack).

As of this moment, a brand new copy of Geist sits on top of my Gamecube... and I haven't played it yet. Arrrrgh. Frickin' adult responsibilities.

Well, not exactly hell on earth. I did get to spend a good bit of the evening rubbing my wife's neck while she played Paper Mario. Then we watched the first hour or so of this before we both got old and headed to bed.

Only, I didn't head to bed. I felt restless. I decided to cruise over to myspace.com to see what all the fuss is about. I mean, a blog's a blog, right?

Good lord.

And they want me to join to look at most of this crap? Or to comment when I genuinely find a glimmer of hope amidst the countless misspellings and crimes against punctuation? Screw THAT.

So I'd like to give a shout out to mah' peepz' in Space-land:

ARRRRGHRHGRRRRRDRGH!!!!!!!

Now a few pointers:

1) Blog more often. We can learn so much more about you if you take 10 minutes to really explore what you're thinking and feeling with words. Somehow, "Sup dawg! I saw yoo guys, and your gitar solos was off the hizzy!" doesn't quite stir the soul. Is it just me?

2) Less is more. Keep your layout simple. Legible. You like art? Put it in a photo album or something.

3) Beware: parents can read too. And teachers. So watch the language, and PLEASE don't give T.M.I. I prefer to keep my illusions about your natural, inborn innocence. If that makes me an old fart, then pass the Beano and the Viagra.

4) You live in Lockney Freakin' Texas. Why not buck the dual trends of societal isolationism and obesity? Get off your arse, go across the street, and tell 3 till 7 that they're the shizzle. Odds are you live next to at least ONE of them.

5) Your spelling checker is NOT your friend. It wants people to laugh at you. Don't trust it.

Anyway, I'm out. Work happens in slightly less than eight hours, and I need my sleepy fun time.

I'll let you know about the game. Oh yeah, I forgot. Nobody reads this anyway.

Stupid MySpace...

(9/14/06) EDIT: Another reason not to MySpace: it could kill you.

Bless his widdle heart...

2006-08-14T10:28:00.000-07:00

Firstly, can't a guy take a leak without a media frenzy, for cryin' out loud??

Secondly, what's up with Fidel freakin' Castro?

In this AP story, we have several smiles, chuckles, and even some heartfelt tears for the ailing Cuban dictator. It almost made me want to write him a get-well-soon card, and throw in a Starbucks card or something.

What is up with the love affair the international community, the Democratic party, and the mainstream media have with this guy? He's a despot, for pete's sake! He killed his way into office, oppresses his people (like any good communist leader), and drives an island paradise into the mud every day he continues to draw breath.

Oh well. Here's to YOU, el presidente. May your carbon, nitrogen, and phosphorus soon make their way back into the abiotic parts of the Cuban ecosystem. You piece of human waste...

I talked to... HER!

2006-07-30T14:34:00.000-07:00

No joke. I actually talked to HER.

I told her I once owned a Vanilla Ice CD.

Typical. I get a chance for intercourse with someone whom I really admire... and all that escapes my mouth is useless, trivial crapola.

School in a couple of weeks, so I'll probably have more to update with soon. Got some great ideas for rants this Summer, and I might actually remember what some of them are.

I think one will deal with the parallels of the inclusiveness of the English language with the slide of western civilization into moral relativism. Fun stuff, huh?

We CAN rebuild him...

2006-07-13T10:30:00.000-07:00

Hello, dear reader. (cough*TORI*cough)

It's been a fun summer so far. I'm at the two-thirds mark on our vacation to Louisiana, Arkansas, Oklahoma, and all points in between. My wife's grandparents have a cable modem, so I thought I would take a few moments to check the news and dust off my email account.

And I found this.

Wow.

Part of me says, "neato, super cool!" My mouth part. And probably my spleen, too.

My brain and bladder parts think of this. And this.

Still, it's pretty flippin' sweet.

Hope your Summer's going well, and you got ungrounded/unbored/uncensored. "Damn the man, save the Empire!"

Keep the change?

2006-06-10T21:34:00.000-07:00

Change: truly the king of all mixed blessings.

We Homo sapiens don't particularly care for change. We have entire systems of our body devoted to the seemingly simple task of keeping things on an even keel. Homeostasis, it's called. Without it, we cease to be. Kaput.

Yet, our lifeplan requires drastic, painful changes for the survival of the species. Birth, puberty, menopause--all uncomfortable and unpleasant, but all equally necessary--just to name a few.

So it is usually with a grimace (and tightly-clenched gluteus muscles) that we welcome change when it arrives on our doorsteps. And arrive it does, often, and seldom at a convenient time--if such a thing truly exists. Like toilet paper, we know deep down that we depend on it, but also like TP, we don't like to dwell on the particulars of how it will come into play.

Since my last real post about five weeks ago, I and those nearest and dearest to me have been bathed in change:

1) First, many precious students (and former students--BTW, Tori... update!) graduated from various high schools at the end of May.
VERDICT: Good change. Beats NOT graduating.

2) Ack. Forgot. Before that, I turned 29. Going to have to update my blog header in about a year, I guess.
VERDICT: Good change. Again, it beats the alternative.

3) Found out a few days later at a teacher training thing that one of the new English teachers we hired will also be teaching theater arts.
VERDICT: Good and bad change. I was looking forward to teaching it, but I don't have to spend part of this Summer planning how in the heck I was going to actually do so.

4) Helped assistant coach a sports camp for K-5th graders this week at my church. We offered soccer, basketball, and cheerleading. Guess which one I got to do? (HINT: it didn't actually involve a ball..)
VERDICT: Good change. God love me, I really, REALLY enjoyed learning and teaching cheerleading. Did I miss my calling?

5) We were about 20 minutes into a movie tonight when we got a call from our youth pastor, saying he needed to meet with us to talk. He came over about fifteen 'till ten, and told us that he was resigning, and would most likely leave the church completely.

Wait a minute...

Okay, the formal announcement will be tomorrow (ack again... later today, as I glance at my clock), but he wanted us to know before then since both my wife and I have been involved in the youth virtually since he has, close to...what, eight years ago now? Good grief, I'm old.

This comes on the heels of LOTS of other changes, upheavals, etc. that our church has faced over the last two years.
VERDICT: Good ch... no, wait, Bad cha... no, wait... dang...

This one's a little tougher to call. I mean, yeah, academically I know that when God brings change, it ends up being good in the long run. But as close as we are to our church body, finding things like this out makes one feel, shall we say, a little uneasy. Like my wife put it tonight: "It feels like you're in a big, close family, and you suddenly begin to sense that someone in the room, right in front of you, is dying of cancer... and nobody else has a clue."

VERDICT: Good thing that my God DOESN'T change... otherwise I'd be as unstable as I feel right now.

Is there anybody in there??

2006-05-24T12:09:00.000-07:00

Still alive. Just bored. More soon. Maybe.

15 seconds of fame...

2006-05-04T06:00:00.000-07:00

Two of my good friends made a 15 second film for a competition put on by American Express and the Tribeca Film Festival... and won.

The prize? An ipod. . . and a five-day trip to New York to appear at the festival, where they will receive an award and rub elbows with folks like M. Night Shyamalan and Martin Scorsese. . .and $15,000.

Wow. That's like, one grand per second.

To see the clip, go here, click gallery, and search by name for Cody Russell. The winning clip is called unfinished.

Wow again.

Seafood...

2006-05-01T13:16:00.000-07:00

Holy crap in a bundt pan! Check this out!!

Take THAT, vertebrate!! MWA HA HA HA!!

Lies and broken hearts

2006-05-01T11:18:00.000-07:00

I just don't understand.

I've tried to put myself in the mindset of someone who would contemplate betraying their loved one for the momentary thrill that comes with a tryst with another...

Tried to fathom the wall of lies and excuses they must build around their hearts and minds to justify their betrayal...

Tried to imagine what set of circumstances would lead them to forsake their vows, their consciences, their souls, to seek comfort and acceptance in a strange bed...

And I can't.

With eight years of marriage there are going to naturally come rough spots, shattered expectations, conflicts, and times of mutual iciness. But never have I found cause or occasion to throw away my marriage.

Maybe it's because I'm not a deep thinker. (My wife would probably agree at this point, kiss me, and give me a pat on my head.) I would imagine that one would have to dwell a long time in unforgiveness, fantasy, or just pure boredom, in order to see an affair as anything but pure insanity.

And despite my devilish good looks, I've never found myself to be the object of someone else's fantasies... or at least I HOPE I haven't. Seeing as how the people I find around me the most often are anywhere from 10 to 14 years younger than I am, I would imagine that the sheer utter grossness of feeling attracted to your teacher would be enough to stop any potential admirers in their teenybopper tracks.

I CAN, however, imagine several reasons not to have an affair:

My wife's tears and sobs--ones I can't comfort, because I caused them...

My two boys, who won't be able to look up to me as an example of faithfulness in marriage, and will probably recommit my mistakes when they get older...

My students, who won't be able to take anything I say at face value, because I've been revealed as a hypocrite...

My church, who will shake their heads when they talk about the stupid, stupid mistake I made, and the souls whose walk it will hurt...

My family, who has invested so much time, effort, love, and education into me, who will wonder where they went wrong raising me...

The other family, who will forever look at me as a homewrecker, the one who took mommy away...

...

The very thought almost makes me throw up. Or weep. I can't decide.

God, you forgave David, whose affair led to murder, and later the death of his own son. I pray that your mercy and restoration would be just as complete in this day and age... for ALL of us.

I dink I hab a code...

2006-04-26T07:11:00.000-07:00

Admittedly, I haven't read Dan Brown's novel The DaVinci Code, but it seems to me that a LOT of people are getting really worked up about something which, in the context of so many other threats to Christianity, doesn't appear to be as much of a threat as it is being portrayed.

I thought this was a great editorial on the subject.

This is a cool website to peruse, set up by the Catholic Church. Hey, they should have a pretty good grip on church history, right?

Anyway, it's definitely on my reading list. Somewhere behind the latest Harry Potter.

Speaking of good books, The Hangman's Curse by Frank Peretti really freaked me out. It's written for teens, but it gave me the chills like any of his other books. Don't read it late at night.

Did I mention that I was in the book? Read it, and you'll understand.

One more reason I hate mushrooms

2006-04-24T09:32:00.000-07:00

I say we nuke'em first.

Not much to report here. Kids have been sick on and off for the last three weeks, and that starts to get a little old.

On the brighter side of things, my addictive personality has found a new drug: Super Monkey Ball 2. Don't laugh, it's fun. In fact, budget gaming in general is the way to go, as far as I'm concerned. I'm not a teenager or college student, so I don't feel out of the loop for not owning the "latest and greatest." I've only had my Gamecube for the last year or so, so there is a wealth of cheap thrills to be had.

Speaking of cheap thrills... What are they going to call this stuff, when it finally hits the market? Maybe we should call the folks over at Herbal Essences or AXE Body Spray for ideas... after all, if this does what it says it does, they're ALL going to be looking for work. What a sick world.

We were at my folks' house last weekend for some quality family time, which means we were glued to the TV almost the entire time. (It's their fault, really... WE didn't make them get cable.) Anyway, my wife, oldest son, and I were watching an episode of Foster's Home for Imaginary Friends. It was called "The Trouble With Scribbles." After we saw it, my wife hit me with the notion that it was a very lighthearted yet poignant commentary on abortion. Wow. I think she's right... and again, she wins the prize for deepest, coolest, smartest person on planet Earth. *swoon*

Gotta go now. Keep your fingers crossed for me. Post a comment, and if my wife doesn't want to go to L.A. with me, maybe I'll take YOU.*

(*but probably not, since my sister's a Nintendo freak too.)

I see red, and I want to break things.

2006-04-11T10:47:00.000-07:00

Boy, the hits keep on coming...

This weekend my older boy woke up from his afternoon nap in a pool of his own vomit. This was followed by several shots of diarrhea. Since my younger son had already been sick with diarrhea (and extremely bad diaper rash), I thought it would be best if I stayed home on Monday to help my wife out with the kids.

Monday, the older one seemed perfectly recovered, and since I had already called in a sub, I made use of my time doing some laundry, my taxes, and keeping an eye on the baby while my wife and son ran some errands.

This morning, I'm getting ready to lecture 3rd period, and a note comes from the office...

XXXX is sick, please call XXXXXXXX at his school.

Oh no.

The only reason they would call me is if they couldn't find my wife. I leave class and rush to the nearest phone. I call home, and sure enough, she's not there. I remember that she had some errands to run, and had planned to be out of the house for a few hours. We don't have cell phones, so I call every place that I could remember that she had told me she might be going. No dice.

After what seems like a lifetime of calls--to his school, our house, various stores, church, etc.--I finally try one of her friends, and she agrees to pick him up until my wife can be found.

I head back upstairs a nervous wreck, just in time for the end of 3rd period.

Then it happens.

One of my students asks me "Is anything wrong?"

I blow my top. I yell at the kid, "quit asking! Why do you think I'd tell you if anything was wrong? What kind of a relationship do you think we have here? Just shut up!"

Okay. Insanity now a few hours behind me, I think I can start to explain what happened. Not rationalize. Not excuse. Just explain.

First of all, 3rd period is my hardest class. There are eleven people in there (at the moment--it changes frequently), and most of them are failing. For some it's because they genuinely find it hard. For most, however, it's attitude. They just don't care. About themselves. About their grades. About graduating. About anything.

So I guess I got offended. My brain said, "what indication have you ever given me that you actually care about anything, and why start now? And if you (as I suspect) just want to see what's wrong so you can enjoy the fact, then screw you. I know you don't like me, so don't pretend to."

My brain says things like this all of the time, but usually there's enough of a buffer in place to keep things like this from ever making it to my mouth. But apparently the feelings of helplessness I was feeling were enough to short-circuit this system out, because out came the words. I just couldn't stop myself.

Now I know I owe this student (and his entire class, and probably anybody else in smalltownpodunkvillehighschoolu.s.a.) an apology, but I'm not sure at the moment if I can bring myself to do it. Because right now I don't really feel sorry. I'm just mad. And I'm not sure what good it would do, anyway. It's not like this class respected me before now, so I can't say I lost their respect today.

God, it sucks being an adult sometimes.

Just two more days of class until Easter weekend. Gee, what else could go wrong?

...I'll let you know when it does.

Curb my enthusiasm

2006-04-07T08:54:00.000-07:00

Blargh.

It's the doldrums here at Lockney High. OAP is over, it's still two weeks until TAKS, and something like 50 percent of my students are gone every other day for track, tennis, golf, orthodontics, or birthin' babies.

I pledged to keep myself busy through the end of the week on the pile of ungraded papers which have been threatening to eat my desk since at least St. Patrick's Day or so. About 10:30 AM yesterday I finished those, and now I can only sit idly by as my few remaining kids scramble madly to finish a project I assigned them on Wednesday, which is due Monday. The idea was to keep them busy learning while I finished grading their papers... which I did. Yesterday. Like I said.

I love Pandora. Who would have known that I actually liked a Donny Osmond song?

I can feel myself slipping back into the madness of addiction. It's a good thing I don't have broadband at home--I'd never sleep.

Did you ever have a day when you actually felt guilty for getting paid for doing your job? Honestly, JoJo the talking ape could have shown up today and done what I've been doing, for a lot cheaper. True, I'm a lot less likely to throw my feces at the students when they make me mad, but still...

I guess it's days like today that make me really question why I got into education. My teachers probably thought I'd be freakin' president, or cure cancer or something. But, a high school teacher? Am I really doing my students a favor by being the one who yaks at them about mold and molecules day after day?

What would it be like to have a "real" job, working 50 weeks a year, 40 hours a week? I guess I'd probably get bored there too, and I wouldn't have crazydramafunnypervert teenagers around to cheer me up.

Oh yeah. That's why I'm here. The kids. I love the kids. How do I seem to forget as often as I do?

Like Audrey tells me to do, I should probably stop "gimping" about it and get back to work. I'm sure I can go plan... something.

My wife's family is coming for Easter. I love those guys. It's going to be fun.

Ignorance is bliss

2006-03-30T11:03:00.000-08:00

Today I reflect on students which have come through my doors and are no longer around.

Last night at Wal-Mart, I ran into a student who was a sophomore the first year I taught here. I was making a timed run for coffee supplies between services at Oneighty, and was walking out the front doors, wondering absently where I had parked my car, when I hear an inquisitive "Mister King?" behind me. I turned, and a few moments later recognized him. We talked, and I learned that his 5-year old son was now attending school at Lockney Elementary, he is seperated from his first wife (whom he married around 5 years ago... do the math), and was waiting for his "old lady" to come out. (It turns out she was standing behind me in line.) I shared what was going on in my life, shook his hand a few times, and we said our farewells.

A few things troubled me about our meeting. First, I would have never noticed him if he hadn't said anything to me. He was pretty blinged out, and looked pretty scuzzy. Secondly, I was doing the math... he can't be older than 23 or 24. To have a marriage, a kid, and a divorce by that age... it staggers me. My wife pointed out this morning that he is probably one of SEVERAL "kids" that age that are still around here, probably in similar situations. Kinda depressing.

Today I was trying out Technorati blog search, just playing with search terms like lockney and texas and plainview and high school, and I came across the blog of a student who graduated last year. It painted a picture of loneliness that I never would have guessed at from having him in class. His profile listed "playing guitar and getting stoned" as one of his main interests. His last post, dated February 22nd, reads:

Do you ever get the sinking feeling that you are alone in this world? I have to say it is a feeling that has been reoccuring in my life lately. I have no idea why...maybe because I am? Who knows..?

Browsing his photo galleries showed several pictures with captions like "me stoned," "me passed out," and "me drunk and stoned."

And then, I found the picture that really made my stomach churn. Another former student from the same class was shown in a skimpy pink bra, with a shirtless, long-haired guy licking whipped cream from between her breasts.

What the hell?

This is a girl that I had in class for two years! She was always one of my best students! Bosoms and whipped cream would NOT be the first things that before today would have lept to my mind when someone mentioned her name...

So now I look around at the kids in my class (currently trying to stay awake through a Trials of Life video), and I am confronted with a question I've never asked myself: "Which of you people are going to end up naked on the internet?"

*shudder*

This is NOT something that my Wayland education prepared me for!

On a happier note, it seems that things are on track better than I could have hoped for regarding drama stuff for next year. One of my faculty colleagues tells me that the school will be replacing and updating the lights and sound in our cafetorium, so it will be more like a real theater than ever (at least since I've been here.) Between this and the indications from the big boss men that I might be teaching an actual drama class next year, I'm all grins. The possibilities stagger me.

Some of my girls want us to do a comedy next year (to make up for the serious, sometimes depressing shows we've done the last two years.) Fine by me, so long as it doesn't involve lingerie and dairy products from a can...

They deserved better

2006-03-27T09:22:00.000-08:00

Friday, my girls (and boy) gave the best performance of their play that I had as of yet seen. Timing was great, they were in character, they hardly dropped a line ANYWHERE. I couldn't have been more proud of them.

We tied for last place. Again. With Floydada. AGAIN.

Sure, next year will be a different story. Friona, Tulia, and Olton will be in someone else's district. The cast (with the notable exception of two very talented seniors) will return, a year older and wiser, as will the crew and the director. There's even a good possibility of a theater class making its way into the Lockney course offerings.

As far as our own personal developments, I count this year as a success.

Yet, as I drove back to Plainview late Friday night, I couldn't help but come back time and time again to the conclusion that they deserved better.

Better.

They deserved better than a few, nonspecific comments (directed mostly at the director) from a half-deaf judge.

They deserved better than a rushed rehearsal schedule, which served largely to increase the stress in their already overstressed lives.

They deserved better than a dimly-lit, acousticly nightmarish hole in the end of a cafeteria to practice in.

They deserved more formal training in voice, body language, and general theater arts.

They deserved a more-qualified director than the two-bit hack of a biology teacher they got.

As good as they are, I weep at the opportunities they could have had and didn't. My lord, they are so good...

They deserved better.

The cold war, the WB, and classroom coffee etiquette

2006-03-23T07:19:00.000-08:00

"Where's the kaboom? I thought there would be an earth-shattering kaboom?"
Seriously though, this is pretty cool. Just one more way that NYC beats Plainview, I guess...

Speaking of dropping bombs, it's time I admit to something. I was perusing the weblog of one of my former students, and my dirty little secret smacked me right between the eyes. I can't hold it in any longer... I like The Gilmore Girls.

I never meant it to go so far. My sister-in-law sent season one home with my wife, who has since been devouring episodes like television tic-tacs. I thought I would watch one with her, just to reassure myself that she was crazy.

Dang.

I'm hooked. I love the characters, the small-town quirkiness, the (unusually witty) dialogue, and the numerous coffee references. Lorelai, I would love to buy you a cup... or five.

Speaking of coffee, I have recently started selling java for a quarter a cup to my students, to help raise money to feed my Western Hognose snake, Stewie (who happens to be a girl.) Harmless fun, right?

It seems that by doing so, I have granted permission for full-on jack-assery to one of my students, who barged into TWO of my classes this morning, and asked at full volume, "yo, wh3rz da' c0ff33, dawg?" Never mind that I was giving a quiz, and the room was dead silent.

So now I'm torn... do I go ahead and sell him a cup when he gets here next period, or do I tell him to "go cram a bean"? Doesn't anybody have manners anymore? Especially concerning coffee??

Well, I'm off to Tulia in a couple of hours to get things set up for OAP competition tomorrow. These girls (plus the boy) have really made me proud. Wish/pray/fingercross us luck.

Anybody think diplomacy's the answer to this one?

2006-03-22T11:11:00.000-08:00

First, read this.

Does anybody else think that we're dealing with rational people here?
Does anybody doubt the label "axis of evil" any more?
Does this boil your blood like it does mine?

Friggin' communists. Didn't they get the news? IT DOESN'T WORK. And the more that crap like this comes to the forefront of world opinion and awareness, the more convinced I am that we are dealing with an absolute lunatic in the person of tyrant dictator Kim Jong-il.

It's like my old daddy used to say (or would have, if he was from the REAL South): "Somebody's deeply in need of a good killin'."

The Play's the Thing

2006-03-20T09:51:00.000-08:00

This Friday is our one-act play district competition.

Let me back up a bit.

First of all, we had a great trip to Louisiana. High points included shrimp etoufee at Copeland's, building a bulletin board for my niece's seventh birthday, and catching up on ALMOST the entire third season of Battlestar Galactica. Low points included DRIVING about 1500 miles round trip, and (d'oh!) getting my mother-in-law's computer completely fouled up with spyware (and not just the fun kind, mind you--the dirty pictures kind that NO mother-in-law should ever be faced with.) I tried everything I could to get rid of the stupid toolbars and pop-ups that I (stupidly) put on there, and three days later we got the system back to SOME semblance of stability.

Definitely sucked for a while though.

Anyway, we're back, and teaching biology and chemistry are on some far, far, mental back-burner. I'm the play director, and this Friday we compete. We have a great show, and the cast and crew (mostly girls, plus one (lucky) token male) have really put a lot into getting things ready.

I just wish we had more time, more practices, more confidence...

Oh yeah, it's official. Video games ARE bad for you.

The Louisiana Experience

2006-03-13T06:23:00.000-08:00

It's amazing how a little thing like having two kids will REALLY slow you down on a road trip.

The trip from Plainview to my wife's family in central Loiusiana used to take the two of us about 10 hours. We would pack a cooler full of cold cuts and drinks (Mountain Dew for me, water for her, cuz' she's healthy,) we'd put on the cruise control, and we wouldn't stop for ANYTHING. Well, except for the occasional pee. Bowel movements could wait--and they often did.

Day before yesterday, we left the house at three in the morning, and somehow it took us THIRTEEN AND A HALF HOURS to get here.

What the hey?

I seem to remember us stopping a couple of times for potty (older child) and diaper (younger one) times, and there was that stop at the McNasty's to let the fireball stretch his legs while we ate hockey-puck shaped breakfast sandwiches... but I had no idea that it all added up to an extra 3.5 hours.

Maybe I've stumbled on some new quantum phenomenon. Any physics geeks out there interested? I'll only charge 15 percent of whatever profits you end up garnering.

But anyway, we're here. I love her family. I love that her family is willing to play with my kids while I fart away the time on Metroid and catching up on the latest season of Battlestar Galactica. In fact, I love everything about Spring Break vacations.

Except the driving.

I guess things could be worse. It was kind of neat to see a local news station linked at the top of Drudge though. I'm not sure whether I should be offended or not about the little "burn baby burn" sidebar ad that I found on the same page.

Now if you'll excuse me, I feel one of those repressed number twos coming on... later.

Watch the skies!

2006-03-10T08:11:00.000-08:00

Just when you thought it was safe to feed the birdies...

This really scares me that the general public doesn't seem to be aware of how BIG a threat this really could be. I think we might be facing a huge wake-up call to our collective national complacency in the next few months.

Until then, I'm stocking up on face masks and bleach.

Dang, that's hot...

2006-03-09T14:02:00.000-08:00

Can you say two-billion degrees kelvin?

Now, where did I put my marshmallows...

What? No bells? No complimentery cookies?

2006-03-09T12:32:00.000-08:00

So this is how it begins. I don't get off my butt and actually get a weblog of my own until some system REQUIRES me to do so to leave a comment for someone else.

But now I'm here.

I suppose I should feel some sense of exhilaration, some sense of headiness at the implications. "I must b*tch, therefore I blog. I blog, therefore I am." Something like that.

Hmmm... I kinda feel hungry.

Let's see where this goes. Please pardon me if I reinvent the wheel too many times. Check back in a month or so to see if it gets any better. If not, just go here. Or here. Or maybe here.