I see red, and I want to break things.

Boy, the hits keep on coming...

This weekend my older boy woke up from his afternoon nap in a pool of his own vomit. This was followed by several shots of diarrhea. Since my younger son had already been sick with diarrhea (and extremely bad diaper rash), I thought it would be best if I stayed home on Monday to help my wife out with the kids.

Monday, the older one seemed perfectly recovered, and since I had already called in a sub, I made use of my time doing some laundry, my taxes, and keeping an eye on the baby while my wife and son ran some errands.

This morning, I'm getting ready to lecture 3rd period, and a note comes from the office...

XXXX is sick, please call XXXXXXXX at his school.

Oh no.

The only reason they would call me is if they couldn't find my wife. I leave class and rush to the nearest phone. I call home, and sure enough, she's not there. I remember that she had some errands to run, and had planned to be out of the house for a few hours. We don't have cell phones, so I call every place that I could remember that she had told me she might be going. No dice.

After what seems like a lifetime of calls--to his school, our house, various stores, church, etc.--I finally try one of her friends, and she agrees to pick him up until my wife can be found.

I head back upstairs a nervous wreck, just in time for the end of 3rd period.

Then it happens.

One of my students asks me "Is anything wrong?"

I blow my top. I yell at the kid, "quit asking! Why do you think I'd tell you if anything was wrong? What kind of a relationship do you think we have here? Just shut up!"

Okay. Insanity now a few hours behind me, I think I can start to explain what happened. Not rationalize. Not excuse. Just explain.

First of all, 3rd period is my hardest class. There are eleven people in there (at the moment--it changes frequently), and most of them are failing. For some it's because they genuinely find it hard. For most, however, it's attitude. They just don't care. About themselves. About their grades. About graduating. About anything.

So I guess I got offended. My brain said, "what indication have you ever given me that you actually care about anything, and why start now? And if you (as I suspect) just want to see what's wrong so you can enjoy the fact, then screw you. I know you don't like me, so don't pretend to."

My brain says things like this all of the time, but usually there's enough of a buffer in place to keep things like this from ever making it to my mouth. But apparently the feelings of helplessness I was feeling were enough to short-circuit this system out, because out came the words. I just couldn't stop myself.

Now I know I owe this student (and his entire class, and probably anybody else in smalltownpodunkvillehighschoolu.s.a.) an apology, but I'm not sure at the moment if I can bring myself to do it. Because right now I don't really feel sorry. I'm just mad. And I'm not sure what good it would do, anyway. It's not like this class respected me before now, so I can't say I lost their respect today.

God, it sucks being an adult sometimes.

Just two more days of class until Easter weekend. Gee, what else could go wrong?

...I'll let you know when it does.