Lies and broken hearts

I just don't understand.

I've tried to put myself in the mindset of someone who would contemplate betraying their loved one for the momentary thrill that comes with a tryst with another...

Tried to fathom the wall of lies and excuses they must build around their hearts and minds to justify their betrayal...

Tried to imagine what set of circumstances would lead them to forsake their vows, their consciences, their souls, to seek comfort and acceptance in a strange bed...

And I can't.

With eight years of marriage there are going to naturally come rough spots, shattered expectations, conflicts, and times of mutual iciness. But never have I found cause or occasion to throw away my marriage.

Maybe it's because I'm not a deep thinker. (My wife would probably agree at this point, kiss me, and give me a pat on my head.) I would imagine that one would have to dwell a long time in unforgiveness, fantasy, or just pure boredom, in order to see an affair as anything but pure insanity.

And despite my devilish good looks, I've never found myself to be the object of someone else's fantasies... or at least I HOPE I haven't. Seeing as how the people I find around me the most often are anywhere from 10 to 14 years younger than I am, I would imagine that the sheer utter grossness of feeling attracted to your teacher would be enough to stop any potential admirers in their teenybopper tracks.

I CAN, however, imagine several reasons not to have an affair:

My wife's tears and sobs--ones I can't comfort, because I caused them...

My two boys, who won't be able to look up to me as an example of faithfulness in marriage, and will probably recommit my mistakes when they get older...

My students, who won't be able to take anything I say at face value, because I've been revealed as a hypocrite...

My church, who will shake their heads when they talk about the stupid, stupid mistake I made, and the souls whose walk it will hurt...

My family, who has invested so much time, effort, love, and education into me, who will wonder where they went wrong raising me...

The other family, who will forever look at me as a homewrecker, the one who took mommy away...

...

The very thought almost makes me throw up. Or weep. I can't decide.

God, you forgave David, whose affair led to murder, and later the death of his own son. I pray that your mercy and restoration would be just as complete in this day and age... for ALL of us.